Dear Patriots Nation,

It is not time to fire Bill Belichick, for fucks sake.

Why don’t we wait until we have a losing season or something (which we haven’t had in ten fucking years) before we start calling for the coach’s job.

“We’re all pretty much in a bad mood. There is a mourning process that goes on with our team, our coaches, players. We hate losing. It’s not something we’ll ever get used to. It sucks. The whole week sucks, actually.” – Tom Brady

What a coincidence because whenever the Patriots lose, I’m in a bad mood all week, too!

Today at work, I was chatting with one of our sabbatical professors who was telling me amazing stories about Ryan Fitzpatrick and how big Willie McGinest is in person, and then he casually, matter-of-factly dropped that he has watched a few games with Robert Kraft in the owner’s box. Wow! I’m dropping degrees of separation with my most beloved people on the planet!

Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman is arrested for indecent assault and the first thing I can think of is, “Hey, Julian Edelman cut his hair! FIN-ALL-Y!”

I just hope the accuser is not lying.

To know me is to know my undying love affairs with all things New England Patriots. Another thing to know is that when you mess with one of my 53 boys, you’re going down. My colleague discovered this when he thought it would be funny to draw a mustache and beard on one of the Tom Brady photos that adorns my desk. I was also benefited by the fact that said colleague was away for the week giving me ample time to prepare.

I present to you all my crowning prankster achievement…. the Brady-Roll…

For his enjoyment, he can now view Tom Brady all day:

I brightened up his shelves with a touch of Brady flair:

and my favorite… making his Redskins stuff better:

I hate this site. I hate the name – which I came up with as a 21-year-old moron. If only I had known back then how lucrative it would have been if I had registered a boatload of domains.

Anyway, I hate this site. I don’t want to write on it anymore. I think it’s lamer than lame.

BUT…

Because I’ve had it for nearly ten years, and that’s almost an eon in internet years, I’ve decided to slightly reformat it.

Gone is anything not sports-related. (It’s not gone, gone. Just moved to somewhere else)

In is anything sports-related.

No more meaningless ramblings. Instead, expect ENDLESS NFL lockout rants. Among other things.

Here’s to new beginnings!