Established 2002

The inexact science of car thievery

ADDENDUM: Thanks to the swift work of the local police department, the van was found. It turns out, the suspect not only remained in this city, he was parked less than a mile away from the police department. The suspect fled on foot but was quickly caught with the aid of the K-9 officers. Although the van wasn’t damaged (as far as we can tell – like I said, it’s a beater), unfortunately for my boss, his teeth weren’t in there. The search for my boss’s teeth goes on…

* * *

Just when I thought I had seen everything at my office, today someone stole the newspaper van. Some guy stole the big, ugly, old beater with the newspaper’s giant logo painted on both sides. I can’t imagine getting much for the piece of junk at a chop shop and it is so tragically uncool, I can’t imagine it being worthy of a joyride. It’s also about as discrete as driving around with a megaphone yelling, “This is a stolen vehicle!”

The van was stolen around noon. By 2 p.m., there were two sightings of the van around town. By 3:30, there was another sighting, but this time he was headed toward another city. I would have loved to stay late to find out what happened, but I couldn’t bear to be in the office past 5. All I know is, the last thing my boss said to me regarding the van was, “I hope they (the police) get the van. My teeth are in there.”

And that, my friends, is just another day at my office.


Former Red Sox pitcher Rod Beck is dead


NFL Europa no more


  1. Funny story. Why were his teeth in the van?

  2. I have no clue. He does that all the time – he leaves random stuff in random places. He’s really old.

  3. All I can say is WOW! 🙂

  4. Wow – Did he describe his teeth to the police as being especially distinctive? I had a beater long ago. It got stolen – turns out the guy was whacked out on crack. He thought it was a Lexus! I guess he had “crack goggles.”

  5. Wow… people are desperate, huh? LOL

  6. lk

    Hey there. Long time no speak, huh? I haven’t been here in a while (shame on me, I know). That is hilarious though. Poor guy, needs his teeth. I don’t know why someone would have stolen the van, but maybe just for the thrill? I am sure it will be fun once they catch the thief.

  7. Funny story, I would think the cops would find it fast with all the logos on the van.

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