Established 2002

The Horror: my co-worker sucks

doucheI’ve complained about this guy before – he’s a photographer with our paper and he thinks he’s a writer. What’s funny is he can’t write OR take photographs. He drives me absolutely insane to the point that the mere sound of his voice makes me cringe. I’ll admit it, I’m a total bitch to him, but I can explain.

It all began back in ’05 when I first started working at the paper. He would hand me five or six crumpled papers with his hieroglyphic-like handwriting scrawled on them and expect me to type them. Because it is difficult to decipher actual words when reading his chicken scratches, I would print out the document after typing just for good measure. He would read it then proceed to walk in and give me a lesson on punctuation and English (which he was always wrong, by the way) and talk to me like I was a first grader.

“You see, Andrea (the jerk can’t even get my name right), in the English language, we write this way,” he would say like a pompous asshole, ignoring the fact that I typed his pathetic excuse for a column verbatim.

I’ve become fairly patient in my old age but there’s only so much doucheitude I can take so one day, I told him to fuck off. Well, it was more like I screamed it. Well, it was more like I screamed it while shoving my chair across the office and stomping out.

His photos are a nightmare. I think he uses the wrong lens because whenever I try formating them, I get dizzy. Honest to God! One of these days, I’m going to post an example. Truly atrocious. Worsening matters is how he submits his photos. He’ll give me some directly from his camera, some on a CD and some printed out. It’s infuriating when I’m trying to figure out which photos go with what city, what the event is, etc.

We have another photographer who will hand in photos on a CD, tell me what they are of, what city they are for and give me a detailed list of who is in each photo. That’s going above and beyond. When I load the disc, the photos are gorgeous and require almost NO formating at all. His sports photos rival that of huge publications like the Globe. Anyway….

Yesterday, the jerky photographer handed me a column to type (again, he THINKS he’s a writer). The first hysterically funny thing in his column, he wanted me to type a copyright symbol next to his column’s title AND a trademark symbol. Is this guy serious?

I began typing when I realized he was slamming the entire city council of this particular city. That doesn’t really surprise me considering one of the councilors punched him in the face last summer. THEN, he started slamming some 16 year-old girl that recently held some fund-raiser. I kid not, he was writing mean things about a 16 year-old kid. I felt like I was reading some moron’s manifesto posted on a Myspace blog.

Finally, he ended his column with some disclaimer that the column was his property and then included a handwritten contract he wanted my boss to sign that promised to include the disclaimer in his column. I told my boss if it was Jerk-off’s property then I would submit an invoice to him for having to type it. We laughed.

Ultimately, the column did not get published. My bosses didn’t feel it was worth the risk to piss of the entire city and give Jerk-off any validation. They both complain about him constantly yet won’t fire him. It’s like the plagiarizing quote maker-upper incident all over again. Geesh.


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  1. Sounds like a winner. How in the world does he not realize that A) he’s that bad at both occupations, and B) not understand that he’s being ranted about on the interweb?

  2. He’s so full of himself. I could have written 20 more paragraphs about his douche-iness. 😀

  3. That sounds like a dose. It’s best to give these kinda people a wide wide berth !

  4. Last week, he got stung by a bee while taking some picture and his arm swelled up like crazy. For a minute, I really wished I was that bee.

  5. You should trying living and working in France. You can have a complete waster who gets nothing done, annoys the rest of the workforce but who can’t be fired – the costs are too great. Still they do good cheese…

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