Once upon a time, my Tuesday mornings hinged on Gregg Easterbrook’s “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” on NFL.com. I thought he was insightful and funny and I enjoyed every column he wrote. Then I read his most recent TMQ and was blown away. He gets extra points for slipping in something so offensive while most of Boston is preoccupied with the Red Sox World Series (13-1?! Heck yeah!).
In his column, he insists the Colts are the vision of angelic perfection. If Easterbrook looks hard enough at his TV and squints his eyes, I’m sure he sees little halos over every Colts helmet. Coach Tony Dungy exudes Christianity and Peyton Manning is married, thus mirroring the average American. Then, he turns his attention to the fiery pits of Foxboro. [insert devilish laughter here] The evil Patriots, lead by their evil coach and evil quarterback leave poor guys like the Miami Dolphins in their wake. Each touchdown the Patriots score is not meant to win the game but to give the proverbial middle finger to all that doubt them. [insert more devilish laughter here] If anything, Belichick utilizes his camera not just to get defensive signals but to catch the look of despair on his opponents’ faces.
According to Easterbrook, Tom Brady is evil because he smirks. We’ll ignore that there was a non-Patriots player as recently as TUESDAY arrested for beating up his wife while on probation for beating up a family member because, you know, domestic violence pales in comparison to the evil act of smirking. “That constant smirk on Brady’s face reminds one of Dick Cheney,” Easterbrook writes. To that I respond, in the words of Dick Cheney, “Fuck off.”
So, Easterbrook thinks the evil Patriots run up the score. Let’s take a trip down memory lane back to the crazy days of 2004. George Bush was president and there was a nasty war raging in Iraq. Leonardo DiCaprio was dating supermodel Gisele Bundchen. In the sporting world, the Red Sox had just won the World Series and over in NFL land, the Miami Dolphins had fallen on hard times. When the Patriots arrived at Dolphins Stadium in December of 2004, the Dolphins had been scorned by their running back and their head coach had just quit. The had only two victories that season and were closing out a season of mediocrity.
It was a Monday Night Football game and wouldn’t ya know it, trailing by 11 points, Miami came back and won the game much to the shock and chagrin of fans like me. My boyfriend at the time asked me after the game, “Why are you so mad? It’s just a game.” Yeah, we were quite the match. Hey Easterbrook, every hear the old saying, “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” You could make a case that those 2004 Dolphins were as deep in the dumps as today’s.
Since we’re on the subject of running up the score, why don’t we ask the Houston Texans about your beloved, angelic Colts… Let’s see, in the past, your beloved, angelic Colts have beat the hapless Houston Texans by scores of 49-14 and 43-24. But they were division games you say… as are the Miami Dolphins to the Patriots.
And who says that the Patriots are trying to prove something to everyone that wronged them? Have they said that? That’s just an assumption by sportswriters and analysts like you to explain the remarkable success the Patriots have had so far this year.
Listen Gregg, no one is doubting you on the camera scandal but if you firmly believe that the Patriots are still cheating, which you suggest in your column, maybe that’s more an issue you should take up with Roger Goodell for allowing it to continue even after dishing out a historic punishment.
Best quote from the column’s comments – Treyland911 says, “But Easterbrook is in La-La land. This guy is one more Tom Brady TD away from a nervous breakdown. He has completely abandoned reason, his ego resembles a 12-month-old piece of fruit, and the only crazier thing out of left field than his column is Manny Ramirez.” HAAAAAAAAAA
I’m not trashing the Colts here. They are a classy team with a classy coach and as much as the endless Manning commercials annoy me, Peyton is a positive rolemodel for kids and he seems like a decent guy. Tom Brady seems to think so, that’s why he and Manning are friends off the field. Believe it or not, when he’s not impregnating actresses and gallivanting the beaches of Miami with models, Brady actually attends some of these same angelic charity events that Manning does.
In two weeks, we’ll have the best match up this NFL season will see all year (Super Bowl included), unless of course there is a rematch in the playoffs.
We get it, Easterbrook. You hate Belichick and Brady. But come on… As a “devil” worshipper (Pats fan), to you, Mr. Easterbrook, I say, “Suck it!”