BostonBrat

Established 2002

Gregg Easterbrook = Total Douche

Once upon a time, my Tuesday mornings hinged on Gregg Easterbrook’s “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” on NFL.com. I thought he was insightful and funny and I enjoyed every column he wrote. Then I read his most recent TMQ and was blown away. He gets extra points for slipping in something so offensive while most of Boston is preoccupied with the Red Sox World Series (13-1?! Heck yeah!).

In his column, he insists the Colts are the vision of angelic perfection. If Easterbrook looks hard enough at his TV and squints his eyes, I’m sure he sees little halos over every Colts helmet. Coach Tony Dungy exudes Christianity and Peyton Manning is married, thus mirroring the average American. Then, he turns his attention to the fiery pits of Foxboro. [insert devilish laughter here] The evil Patriots, lead by their evil coach and evil quarterback leave poor guys like the Miami Dolphins in their wake. Each touchdown the Patriots score is not meant to win the game but to give the proverbial middle finger to all that doubt them. [insert more devilish laughter here] If anything, Belichick utilizes his camera not just to get defensive signals but to catch the look of despair on his opponents’ faces.

According to Easterbrook, Tom Brady is evil because he smirks. We’ll ignore that there was a non-Patriots player as recently as TUESDAY arrested for beating up his wife while on probation for beating up a family member because, you know, domestic violence pales in comparison to the evil act of smirking. “That constant smirk on Brady’s face reminds one of Dick Cheney,” Easterbrook writes. To that I respond, in the words of Dick Cheney, “Fuck off.”

So, Easterbrook thinks the evil Patriots run up the score. Let’s take a trip down memory lane back to the crazy days of 2004. George Bush was president and there was a nasty war raging in Iraq. Leonardo DiCaprio was dating supermodel Gisele Bundchen. In the sporting world, the Red Sox had just won the World Series and over in NFL land, the Miami Dolphins had fallen on hard times. When the Patriots arrived at Dolphins Stadium in December of 2004, the Dolphins had been scorned by their running back and their head coach had just quit. The had only two victories that season and were closing out a season of mediocrity.

It was a Monday Night Football game and wouldn’t ya know it, trailing by 11 points, Miami came back and won the game much to the shock and chagrin of fans like me. My boyfriend at the time asked me after the game, “Why are you so mad? It’s just a game.” Yeah, we were quite the match. Hey Easterbrook, every hear the old saying, “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” You could make a case that those 2004 Dolphins were as deep in the dumps as today’s.

Since we’re on the subject of running up the score, why don’t we ask the Houston Texans about your beloved, angelic Colts… Let’s see, in the past, your beloved, angelic Colts have beat the hapless Houston Texans by scores of 49-14 and 43-24. But they were division games you say… as are the Miami Dolphins to the Patriots.

And who says that the Patriots are trying to prove something to everyone that wronged them? Have they said that? That’s just an assumption by sportswriters and analysts like you to explain the remarkable success the Patriots have had so far this year.

Listen Gregg, no one is doubting you on the camera scandal but if you firmly believe that the Patriots are still cheating, which you suggest in your column, maybe that’s more an issue you should take up with Roger Goodell for allowing it to continue even after dishing out a historic punishment.

Best quote from the column’s comments – Treyland911 says, “But Easterbrook is in La-La land. This guy is one more Tom Brady TD away from a nervous breakdown. He has completely abandoned reason, his ego resembles a 12-month-old piece of fruit, and the only crazier thing out of left field than his column is Manny Ramirez.” HAAAAAAAAAA

I’m not trashing the Colts here. They are a classy team with a classy coach and as much as the endless Manning commercials annoy me, Peyton is a positive rolemodel for kids and he seems like a decent guy. Tom Brady seems to think so, that’s why he and Manning are friends off the field. Believe it or not, when he’s not impregnating actresses and gallivanting the beaches of Miami with models, Brady actually attends some of these same angelic charity events that Manning does.

In two weeks, we’ll have the best match up this NFL season will see all year (Super Bowl included), unless of course there is a rematch in the playoffs.

We get it, Easterbrook. You hate Belichick and Brady. But come on… As a “devil” worshipper (Pats fan), to you, Mr. Easterbrook, I say, “Suck it!”

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12 Comments

  1. I used to like to read his column too, admittedly the cheer-babe of the week helped with that. But lately he seems to have completely lost his mind. That last one was beyond ridiculous.

    And what’s with the pussification of the NFL these days? Oooooo, don’t hurt our feelings by scoring too many touchdowns on us! That’s just mean!! *Sniff*

  2. There’s a reason and place for the 45-point spread rule that many states have for high school athletics, but there’s also a reason there is not such a rule in professional sports.

    If one team is that much better to score that many more points than their opponents, good for them and let them do it. Oh, and don’t cry about it later!

  3. I just don’t think it’s been running up the score. To me, it’s securing victory. The way the NFL has been lately with late comebacks, you can’t take a chance. My dad calls it “playing to win” not “playing not to lose.”

  4. I agree Angela, you never know what is going to happen until it’s over. It would be a shame to “play nice” only to have the other team come back and beat you at the end.

    Besides, these are professional athletes, there shouldn’t be any concern about hurting the other team’s feelings or lowering their self-esteem. If the team is capable of scoring that many points against their opponents, there is no reason they shouldn’t do it.

  5. I don’t see it as running up the score either. It’s all about securing the win, like you said Ang.
    I think Belichick explained that perfectly on why Brady came back in last week. But people don’t want to hear a perfectly reasonable explanation. Like he should even HAVE to explain anyway. What-ever.

    If there ever is another game like that, it almost makes you wish Belichick would leave Brady in so they can score like 60 points and say, see, THATS running it up… but of course it’s better to take Brady out in those situations.

  6. We’ll see it when the Jets come to town. 😀

  7. Jonathan

    What did Herm Edwards say, something on the lines of you play to win the game. You can’t win the game if you don’t score more points then the opposing team at the end. Plus the majority of those points were scored in the first half!

  8. Angela:

    There’s only one thing to do about a writer like Easterbrook: tempt the gods.

    A mugger will NEVER hit Easterbrook in the back with a crowbar, crushing his spine and leaving him for dead.

    If enough of us say it, surely some karmic power will come around and force the opposite. 😉

  9. You have to read what ESPN.com’s own Ombudsman Le Anne Schreiber had to say about him and his columns.

    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=schreiber_leanne&id=3050882

    The very person ESPN hired to be “the public’s representative to ESPN, offering independent examination and analysis of ESPN’s media outlets” thinks he was out of line.

    I’ve thought this guy was a total douche for a while now but it’s great to see that ESPN’s own independent examiner agrees with me.

  10. I love her comparison of Belichick and Mike Gundy – sort of a damned if you talk, damned if you don’t. I am certain that if Belichick did try to make excuses and apologize, Easterbrook would jump on him just as hard.

    Oh yeah, and did you read Mike Felger’s column yesterday which, although he doesn’t mention it, seems like a shot back at Easterbrook.

  11. Easterbrook has annoyed me all season and that last column was the worst. My two major beefs:
    1. Calling out Tom Brady for not being as charitable as Peyton Manning. WTF? How the f does Easterbrook know how much Brady gives to charity? It’s entirely possible that Brady makes significant donations either anonymously or without a big press release. Good columnists use facts to support their theories, not biases and supposition.
    2. No mention of the fact that Manning has been known to blame losses on his teammates, like when he threw his O line under the bus. Tom had crappy WRs last year but certainly never complained about them in a press conference.

  12. I read that article earlier this week also Angela and I have to agree with you on everything you said. It was one of the most one sided “Colts are the American Dream and Pats the devils spawn” article I’ve ever read. Easterbrook lost all credibility with me for that one.

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