My boyfriend’s probation officer let him off the hook (this time) and good thing, too, because he was plotting the most unpleasant method of sneaking some tobacco into the jail. (And he will kill me for sharing that… good thing he’ll never know ) BUT, compared to the alternative (known as a “Chewport”), his plan really wasn’t so unpleasant after all.

A Chewport is made from fishing some of the C.O.’s discarded chew out of the trash, drying it, rolling it in tp, and then smoking it. See all the wonderful things my boyfriend teaches me!? The process of lighting the Chewport (or any smuggled tobacco) sounds like some fifth grade science fair project – you take two batteries, a razor blade, and then – well, I stopped paying attention as my boyfriend talked, but I know if you do something with those things, it creates a spark. And you thought inmates did nothing with their time other than make shanks.

I’ve learned so much more about the Criminal Justice system from my boyfriend than in the entire eight years (Van Wilder much?) I spent as a CJ major in college. Other things I have learned: state prison actually has better amenities than county jails and, as I mentioned the other day, probation officers can be far more scary than judges.

Maybe, if I ever finish college (yeah right), I might try and get a job in the system. Who knows. Then I could be my boyfriend’s probation officer and violate him for not taking out the trash.