Established 2002

Tales from the bleachers: Chasing Jacoby

Last Saturday, my awesome sister and her awesome boyfriend invited me to use their awesome spare ticket to the awesome Red Sox game. Ain’t that awesome? (I just noticed “ain’t” doesn’t trigger my Firefox spell check).

During a Jacoby Ellsbury at-bat, my sister and I jokingly discussed running out onto the field and kissing him. “I know, from here, I could make it before being tackled by security,” she said. Kristina’s boyfriend wasn’t amused.

Then our conversation got serious. What type of punishment would a 27-year-old scientist face for running out on the field? Surely, she’d be arrested for disorderly conduct and most likely face a trespassing charge. We wondered how much her bail would be and the possibility of her being released on her own recognizance. She does have a squeaky-clean record.

Would she be sentenced to community service or probation? Could the Red Sox ban her from Fenway Park and if so, how would they enforce it if she isn’t a season ticket holder?

Maybe she could get sponsors who would donate $1 to the Jimmy Fund for every yard she managed to run before encountering security. Maybe Jacoby would be so overcome by the kiss, he’d refuse to let her be arrested. Maybe…

At that point, we ran out of beer and it had been 10 minutes since Jacoby struck out.


You know football season is upon us when Angela writes about nothing but




  1. Jonathan

    I’m gonna be in Salem for halloween this year. Maybe I will be jacoby if the Sox win again this year:) But I personally wouldn’t want your sister to kiss me. It might be a little weird being the sexy devil i am.

  2. Talk is cheap, next time lets see more action.

  3. I’m voting for the “donating $1 for every yard she managed to run”. You had a very interesting conversation!

  4. Sounds like just the interesting random conversation that would keep a baseball game interesting 🙂

    10 minutes had passed since he struck out and you still hadn’t missed any of the game 😛

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