I don’t write about this nearly enough but CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother” is, by FAR, my favorite show on TV. It is the only show ever in the history of shows that will make me laugh out loud at least once during each and every episode. I just don’t understand why it doesn’t get more credit.

Anyway, last night’s episode discussed Murtaugh lists. Sgt. Murtaugh of Lethal Weapon fame was known for always saying, “I’m getting too old for this ’stuff’.” Ted created a list of stuff he believes he is now too old to do. Hence the Murtaugh List was born. It’s hilariously realistic because my boyfriend and I always find ourselves discussing things we think we are too old to do. Especially Ted’s #1, Ear-piercing, which Boyfriend and I just talked about two days ago. (BACKSTORY: My boyfriend’s Mass ID still has a very old photo of him with earrings and I said, “Babe, you REALLY need to update your photo. NO ONE wears earrings anymore…”)

So, after about three minutes of thought, I have compiled my very own Murtaugh List.

1. Jager shots. There was a time when I would order a Jager shot with each beer. On a normal night out, I’d regularly consume six or seven beers which also means I would ingest six or seven Jager shots. Alas, I am now too old for that “stuff”.

2. Sleeping on the floor.

3. Shopping at Forever 21. Or Wet Seal. Or Pacific Sunwear. Or Aeropostale. Or Hollister. *tear*

4. Sleeping less than seven hours a night. Any less and I am a cranky bitch.

5. Going the day without eating. There was a time when I would only eat as a means of not getting sick after a night of drinking. Can’t do that anymore.

6. Staying up past 3 a.m. This sort of goes hand-in-hand with #4.

7. Coloring my hair merely for a “change”. Now it’s to cover grays.

8. Not paying my bills on time because I don’t feel like it. I have a credit rating to worry about now. Damn it!

9. Tanning. I can’t give this one up altogether. I just have to keep it in moderation.

10. Wearing sneakers every day. Who am I kidding? I totally still do this.

Growing old sucks! Oh God, I sound like my dad.

I am in dire need of a vacay so the boyfriend and I are planning what could be one of the lamest getaways of all time. Yep, we’re planning a trip to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. OK, merely typing that made me ooze with lame. But hell, that’s probably the only spot in the contiguous United States that we can agree upon.

He’s never flown on an airplane before therefore the idea of flying is terrifying for him. That means our trip must be within realistic driving distance. I tried to explain to him that flying is so much safer than driving but he can’t get past the thought of hurtling 30,000 feet out of the sky to a fiery death. I guess he doesn’t pay attention to the daily news that always details at least one highway fatality. He’s also against the whole Disney thing but he’d be such a bore there anyway it wouldn’t even be worth it. And I don’t think I could ever convince him the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio is worthy of a 12-hour drive (I think it is, by the way).

As for me, I’ll pass on a binge-drinking fest. No thanks to a cruise. Keep your [insert party destination here]. I’d rather stay home.

So, as a compromise, I came up with the great idea of taking a trip to Gettysburg. The boyfriend likes all that spooky haunting stuff and I’m a geeky history buff. It’s win-win. We can do one of those nighttime walking tours and then visit all the history museums. And it’s probably around 8 hours of driving (piece of cake!) and CHEAP! I like cheap.

Of course, in order to successfully make the trip, I will have to rent a car. I’d fear crossing state lines into Pennsylvania with my Patriots license plates. Pennsylvanians scare me. Trust me, we have lots of family in Philly. They are scary. Especially when drunk. *shivers*

Have you donated to my sister’s Avon Walk for Breast Cancer yet. She has currently collected $1,066.20 and needs a minimum of $1,800 to participate. So, are you gonna help?

And, as a harrowing reminder:

According to the CDC, in 2005 (the most recent year numbers are available),
* 186,467 women and 1,764 men were diagnosed with breast cancer
* 41,116 women and 375 men died from breast cancer

So guys, remember you’re not immune! For a little perspective, the NFL has 1,696 active players. Imagine, the entire NFL sick with breast cancer. Horrible!

So be a pal and help my sister out.

And if you’re in the Boston area, let me know if you’re interested in my sister’s upcoming “Party for Ta Ta’s” fundraiser.

I love Monday Night Football BUT I hate when the Patriots play it. And now, thanks to Chris Gasper, I know I will have an extra day and a half to wait until the Patriots season starts. The Patriots will play the season Monday night opener vs. the Bills.

Shouldn’t the NFL put 2008 playoff teams in such a visible slot? Are they also going to have the “double-feature” Monday night with the Patriots-Bills game the first of two to be broadcast that night? Could I possibly find something even more trivial to bitch and complain about?

Since I can find something positive in things I don’t like, I am excited to see the Patriots wear their throwback uniforms. They haven’t donned the uniform since Thanksgiving a few years back and I think they should more often.

In retrospect, this whole bounced paycheck thing is kind of funny – now that it’s resolved, of course. Although, I’m still kind of pissed that my bosses made it sound as though I was the one who screwed up. Silly me, I deposited my check in the bank on payday. Doh! Me dum dum.

When I called my bank’s customer service, all I was told was that the check and a letter stating its reason for return would be mailed to me. So, my bosses were nearly successful at convincing me that I was the one that made the mistake. Yes, they are that good. Maybe me am dum dum? But there’s no denying the giant “NOT SUFFICIENT FUNDS” stamped on the check I received in the mail today.

I CAN’T WAIT to bring this into work tomorrow. I have it all planned out. I’m going to nonchalantly walk into my boss’s office, casually hand him the check and say, “Here, I figure you will need this for your records.” And then walk out. Oh, it’s going to be goooooooooooooooooooooooood. Passive is my favorite type of Aggressive.