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Category: NaBloPoMo (Page 2 of 9)

Patriotless Sunday

Here’s another gem straight from my phone (mostly because I’ve reached new heights of laziness and can’t be bothered to sit up from my couch).

I really hate Sundays when the Patriots aren’t playing. Watching all the other games are just a tease.

So, to keep myself happy without a Patriots game, I ended up splurging by making pancakes (which were AWESOME) and go tanning.

And now, while I watch the intense Baltimore – Pittsburgh game, I’m dreading how late I’ll be up tomorrow night.

Yes, the Patriots are more important than just about everything except for oxygen and food

I am so frickin pissed today, I’m having a hard time expressing it in words. Let me try…

There I was, high off the glory of accomplishment because today I finished a whopper of a project. Today, I finished a project so big, it was one of the main reasons I was even brought on board! Yes, this project was a doozy and I finished it… today… all by myself.

I was so excited after patting myself on the back for hours that on my way home from work, I sat on the bus with a frickin smile on my face. A smile! On my face! Like some half-wit who doesn’t realize life sucks! So, there I was, on the bus smiling like a moron and I decide to pop on the good ol’ cellphone and check in on my twitter (check me out, B.T.W.) and what do I find?! Oh, I’ll tell you what I found… turns out NBC, the network that brings us Jay Leno every frickin night, has flexed the December 6 Sunday night Patriots-Dolphins game.

Apparently, the Patriots-Dolphins game just isn’t good enough for them. Nope, a Patriots-Dolphins divisional match-up with huge potential AFC playoff implications just isn’t important enough to air on Sunday night. Oh no, instead they’d rather air the battle of geriatric quarterbacks, Vikings-Cardinals. The Patriots and Dolphins have now been relegated to 1 p.m. and that is why I am frickin mad!

You might be wondering why I care? Oh, I’ll tell you why… I’m pissed because December 6 also happens to be the day of my boyfriend’s family’s annual Christmas party. You might remember that I have this issue every frickin year. Every frickin year, boyfriend and I nearly come to blows over this frickin Christmas party (OK, that’s an exaggeration, we don’t come to blows, but no one’s happy, I can tell you that). He wants me to go, I want to go but it takes place during a Patriots game. And of course it’s in December when every single game has giant playoff implications.

I won’t lie, I’m addicted. I’m like some Patriots junkie that even the mere thought of missing a fix has sent me into hysterics. Trust me, you don’t want to be around me the morning after the Super Bowl . I hit straight DTs before the final piece of victory confetti hits the turf (unless it’s a Super Bowl the Patriots have won, of course). And don’t even get me started on my Patriots gameday superstitions. The fact that I might not be on the couch, literally helping my team win is horrifying!

Seriously though, I only get 16 guaranteed games per year and he wants me to give one up?! Quite frankly, he needs to do much more than just be my gorgeous boyfriend for that to occur. I don’t like having to chose between the man in my life and the 53 men in my life. Why can’t the boyfriend understand that they come first?! OK, I’m kidding but still. I am in attendance at every other boyfriend-related family function. And I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything, actually, except the freedom to watch the Patriots when I want, as much as I want, and without interruption.

And for the record, I have and will skip any and all family parties that my own family invites me to if it means missing a Patriots game. You should see us on the rare Thanksgiving when the Patriots are playing. Dad and I race to my aunt’s, load up some plates and are back home, in front of our TV, without having missed a single play. Yep. We’re just that good.

I think the moral of the story is: find a significant other who is as obsessed with what you’re obsessed with as you are. Phew, does that even make sense?


So, Jets head coach Rex Ryan felt disrespected by the Patriots yesterday afternoon. To that I say…

Patriots-Jets rematch

Halfway through the third quarter of today’s Patriots-Jets game, my dad asked me, “Are you going to tell the internet how mad I am?”

Oh yeah, he was crazy pissed. I haven’t seen him that angry in a while and his rage wasn’t directed at the officials or the opposing team but at my beloved Patriots. In his eyes, he sees a defense in desperate need for guys like Jarvis Green to return from injury. This of course doesn’t apply toward the Patriots secondary, which he feels is the best the Pats have had since the 70s. Oh, and he thinks Vince Wilfork needs to “step the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t care how big he is; he’s a football player! He shouldn’t be this winded!”

I, on the other hand, was too busy marveling at the wonders of Mark Sanchez. I assume Jets fans would have hoped he chose a quarterback like Brady or Peyton Manning to emulate, not Jake Delhomme.

I need some sleep

I’m not gonna lie… today sucked ass. I had a feeling it would regardless of last night’s outcome. Only, if the Patriots had won, I’d be too happy to care. All told, I got three hours of sleep and awoke screaming thanks to a nightmare I had that a giant muddy tsunami was crashing into my office building, drowning everyone and I was next. I thought to myself, “I’ll just swim to the top!” but then I noticed people sinking to the bottom because the water was so high, the weight of it all made swimming to the top impossible. That was some scary shit. I haven’t had a dream that scary since the time I dreamed my house was haunted and zombies a la Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video were chasing me. But that’s another story.

Like I said, I was awake at the butt-crack of dawn and I couldn’t watch TV because all they were talking about was the Pats and I couldn’t even come close to the internet because, you guessed it, nothing but the Pats.

So, I ended up at work at 6:30 a.m. and I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty fucking miserable. To ensure that I didn’t take out my bad mood on any of my wonderful co-workers, I printed up a quickie sign to keep the chit-chatters at bay:

Leave me alone

My awesome co-workers left me alone which gave me a lot of time to think. My office mate got me a Sweet cupcake, too. (She rules!) AND, since I had to steer clear of the internet, I actually got some work done (kidding, kidding).

Seriously though, all that time to think, I had nothing to do but think about last night’s game. And the more I thought, the more my brain hurt the more I realized last night’s game wasn’t horrible.

And you know what else? I don’t question Coach Belichick’s decision to go for it on fourth down from deep in their own end. Yeah, I said it. And if the play had been successful (in my opinion – which means absolutely nothing – it was a first down), Belichick would be praised by most of the people criticizing him today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

And if we’re going to play the “what ifs” game, what if that completely bogus pass interference call on the Colts’ penultimate drive hadn’t been called? And what if Maroney hadn’t fumbled in the end zone? And what if the Patriots hadn’t had to kick a field goal on their second scoring drive and got a TD instead? What if, what if, what if…

All that profound thought made me realize that all these folks talking about last night being the worst night EVAH in the history Boston sports need to either a.) get their asses off the bandwagon because Super Bowl 42 was WAY worse and b.) learn a thing or two about Boston sports history because this wasn’t even close. I would even put the Week Two loss to the Jets ahead of this one. Yeah, I said it.

So, in other words, everyone can shut the fuck up.

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