You think you know how to drive? Everything changes once you pass the “Welcome to Massachusetts” sign. With dodging potholes, perpetual road construction and millions of aggressive drivers, Massachusetts driving could be recognized as an extreme sport. When the time comes that you must drive in this state, have no fear! I am here to teach you the rules of the Massachusetts road!

1.) The “Flow of Traffic” Rule cancels out the posted Speed Limit. It generally applies to highways only and means if everyone on Rt. 128 is traveling at 80 MPH, that becomes the new speed limit. Police officers even tend to abide by the Flow of Traffic Rule. Of course, if you absolutely must not exceed the posted speed limit, please drive in the far right-hand lane.

2.) Never Signal Turns. It’s a sign of weakness!

3.) Ride as close to the car in front as possible. You wouldn’t want anyone cutting in front of you, would you?

4.) Your car horn is as an important driving tool as your brakes. Car horns are essential in Massachusetts driving and you must know when to utilize yours effectively.

5.) Honk your car horn if the car in front of you doesn’t go immediately when a red light changes to green. You must let this driver know the light has in fact turned green and they have not yet begun to move.

6.) Yellow lights mean “hurry up.” You only have about a second and a half to make it.

7.) Never allow anyone to go. It’s another sign of weakness and it will also mess up the flow of traffic. They can wait until there are no more cars coming.

8.) If someone does let you go, DO NOT thank them with a wave. How dumb were they to let you go? Don’t reward their idiotic behavior with a thank you wave.

9.) Always remember, your cellphone conversation is more important than anyone or anything on the road. It deserves all of your attention.

10.) Road Rage is nothing to be ashamed of. It only means you are a passionate driver. Embrace your passion and feel free to flip off everyone who gets in your way.

11.) How to Avoid the endless amount of potholes: You can’t. Don’t even try. There’s just too many of them. Have your mechanic’s phone number on speed dial for when you get the resulting flat tires, cracked axles, etc. And don’t expect any of them to be filled either because it will never happen.

Okay, I think you are ready to take on the big bad beasts that are Massachusetts drivers. Enjoy!