It’s no wonder why the cases of road rage are skyrocketing. No one knows how to freakin drive. Well, that is with the exception of myself. There are so many things that aggravate me, annoy me and make me downright mad when I am driving.

1. Failure to signal turns: How hard is it to lift your hand 5 inches and activate your blinker? Have we become so lazy that the this simple task is too tedious to accomplish? I know this may sound unbelieveable, but I can’t read minds. I don’t know where you want to go. Fill me in with the simple device that was put in your car for a reason.
2. Tailgating: Get off my bumper for crying out loud! I never travel below the speed limit, meaning there is no need to ride my ass. If a tailgater is attempting to get me to speed up, usually his attempts are fruitless because I normally slow down in these cases.
3. Speeding: I’m not talking about driving 5 or 10 miles over the speed limit. I’m talking about the fuckers that drive 45-50 mph in a school zone. What could possibly be so important that you must race down the street. Unless your pregnant wife is about to pop out a child in your passenger seat, I don’t see a need to exceed the speed limit by that much. As far as I know, there are racetracks you may take your car to, you know, if you just absolutely must drive like a maniac.
4. Gunning for Left Turners: You know what I’m talking about. You are on a busy street and need to make a left turn. No one lets you go, but you finally find a break in the stream of cars . The car coming towards you is far off enough that you should be able to make your turn, but wait one minute! He/She doesn’t want you to go and begins to speed up as you engage in your turn. That is what I call ”gunning for the turner”. God forbid these assholes have to let up on the gas for a millisecond.
5. 5.) Driving too Cautiously: C’mon now people! If you are that afraid of the roads, don’t drive!
6. 6.) Driving too Aggressively: We all know you’re an asshole. No need to drive like one too. The aggressive drivers probably cause more car accidents than anyone else on the road. They usually encompass all of the characteristics I have listed above, with the exception of #5. Also, you can’t protest the actions of these drivers, because if they merely flip their middle finger, consider that getting off lightly.
7. Cell Phones: I’m sure the people in this category would like to believe they can drive their cars while on the phone, but sadly, most cannot. I have experienced more examples of this than I could possibly list here. Do us all a favor and hang up the phone. Seriously. It wasn’t that long ago when our society wasn’t proliferated with cellphones. Geez, you’d think life didn’t exist before the technology.
8. Street Light Colorblindness: Believe it or not, some people forget that red means stop and green means go.

I could continue, but I think everyone gets the idea. Sometimes I wonder how people managed to get their driver’s licenses in the first place. One thing you can be sure of is I will always be wearing my seatbelt.

June 27th, 2003