Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

It has been just over a year since the unceremonious ending of our brief relationship. There were things said in the heat of the moment that cannot be taken back, and I know I’m not merely a victim in the whole thing but in my anger, I was unable to fully express my feelings towards you and our relationship. This is why I am writing this note. I believe it is time to “bury the hatchet” if you will, and clear the air.

1. You told me you could no longer date me because I do not “come from a good family.” I’ve thought about this long and hard and my brain cannot think of one category that makes your family better with the sole exception being financial stability. You and I both know that this is a ridiculous standard by which to measure a family.
2. You also dumped me because I smoke more than you find acceptable. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that more often than not, it was you lighting a cigarette. Also, you smoke a lot of weed. That’s worse.
3. You do not work and that is really lame for a 23-year-old. You got one job in the entire year I knew you and you quit after three shifts. You could just be the laziest person I have ever met in my life.
4. Your mother does your homework. It’s one thing when you are in first grade. It’s an entirely different story when you are in college.
5. You think you are hot. You’re not.
6. You play piano and I really gotta say, you’re not good. Sure, I have difficulty playing Chopsticks, but I’m also not the person bragging about possessing “musical talent”. Further, it wasn’t just my musically ignorant ears that thought you sucked. Two separate band members told me the same thing.
7. You are the cheapest person I have ever met.
8. When caught shooting off your mouth, you called your own friend a pathological liar. Later that evening, you admitted that you were the one lying.
9. I’m glad you never liked “going down” on me because the one time you did was horrible.
10. You accosted my 18-year-old cousin just to say bad things about me. I’ve yet to figure out if you wanted it to get back to me or if you are that dumb. I’m leaning towards the latter.
11. Every single person I introduced you to didn’t like you. Every single person. How the heck did I let that slide?

I hope you understand that I am not bitter. I have a wonderful boyfriend who not only loves me but tries to show that love on a daily basis. He’s everything you are not and for that, I am the happiest girl on Earth. Mostly, I just want you to know that I thank God everyday that you dumped me.

Hate Always,
Angela

February 20th, 2006