Yes, believe it or not, people suck. Their suckiness is ever amplified when you have to be nice to them in order to get paid. Here I list some true stories experienced by myself and my co-workers. Enjoy!

Is the food that bad?
A little boy at my restaurant vomited in his dish. The father handed the dish filled with puke to his server, Emily and said, “Be careful, my son threw up on that.”

I swear to God, I am not making this up. People are that disgusting.

“That’s Not Yours!”
My co-worker had a table in such a rush, she was unable to completely bus their table before they left. She left a few dishes, including a half-eaten baked potato, on the table. She left the dining room and when she came back, she watched in dismay as a man at another one of her tables attempted to steal the half eaten baked potato and eat it himself! How disgusting! She did take it away from him and threw it away.

Incontinent
My co-worker Liz was waiting on a husband and wife. Near the end of the meal, the wife jumped up and ran to the bathroom. When Liz approached the husband to check on things, he told Liz that he was okay but his wife had just crapped her pants. He went on to crack jokes about the accident, EVEN when his wife came back to the table!

Take Out
This story comes courtesy of my manager. One afternoon a man came into our restaurant asking to speak to the manager. The manager approached him and asked how he could help him. The man said he had ordered take out from my restaurant about two weeks earlier. He went on to say that he ordered the T-Bone steak and that it was terrible. My manager listened as the man asked if he could have another T-Bone steak right at that moment, to replace the terrible one he had received from our take out.

Oddly, the man could not produce a receipt and he didn’t call after he ate the “terrible” T-Bone. In fact, he couldn’t even remember when he had ordered that take out. My manager didn’t give him a free steak.

Ain’t He Kind
My sister works at a restaurant in Boston’s North End. While training, another server told her of the kindness she experienced from a customer. One night, as this woman waited on this man, he looked at her and said, “You know, I don’t look down on you because you are just a waitress.”

Aww, isn’t he kind. Little did he realize that she was working at the restaurant to pay for her graduate school tuition and someday will probably make more money than he does.

The Fatty Cut of Prime Rib
Once upon a time, while working a lunch shift, I waited on two older women. They both ordered the lunch cut of prime rib which is roughly eight ounces of meat. I placed their order in the kitchen and the cook cut two pieces, one right after the other, put them on the plate as usual, and I served the entrees. A few minutes later, I checked on the women as they ate, like I always do and they both told me everything was fine.

At my restaurant, our prime rib is served relatively lean when compared to other restaurants, but you must have fat on your cut. It’s what gives prime rib it’s taste afterall. Anyway, when I noticed the women had finished, I went over to the table. One women had a decent piece of prime rib left and wanted to wrap it up and take it home. The other woman, on the other hand, did not want to take hers home. There wasn’t much left on her plate but fat, and it appeared as though she had taken the fat and chopped it up with her steak knife to make it look as though her entire cut was fat. She kept saying how awful it was that she would have to pay for a cut of prime rib that was “all fat.” Terrible, yes, but there was no way in Hell I was going to have that taken off her bill. Not when it was so obvious that she had just cut up the fat to make it look like I served her nothing but fat.

As I made trip after trip to clear their table, she continuely kept saying to her companion how awful it was that she would have to pay. Funny how hers was so terrible, but her companion’s, which was cut from the same beef, immediately after hers was cut, was perfectly fine. So fine in fact that she wanted to take it home and eat it later.

The women paid their bill and left. I did NOT have the prime rib removed from their check.

The Strict Dietician?
I recently waiting on a couple. At the end of the meal, I cleared the plates and glasses and asked the couple if they would like dessert. The man replied, “I would, but my wife cannot. She’s fat enough already.”

The wife rolled her eyes as my mouth dropped. The man was not joking.

It’s Not Supposed to Taste Like Chicken
A customer of mine ordered the baked haddock. Haddock, by the way, is a fish, if you didn’t already know. I served the fish to the woman and left her table.

When checking up on her party, she handed me the dish and said she didn’t like it. I am obligated to ask why, although I rarely care, and she replied that it tasted ”fishy.” It’s FISH! How is it supposed to taste?!

Upon her request, I brought her a child’s grilled cheese as a replacement. *shakes head*

Radio Advertising?
A former co-worker, Mike B., now works at a small Italian restaurant not too far from mine. Servers at this restaurant only have three tables to work with, two small tables and a large one. One night, a party of four women were seated at Mike’s only large table. They ordered a round of coffee and one appetizer. Their check totaled $13.00.

After hours of sitting at the table with nothing more than coffee and an appetizer, Mike politely asked them to leave. It is his livelihood we are talking about here, and that large table is his only way of making money on a slow weeknight. The women left and Mike assumed that was that.

It turned out that one of the woman was an on-air DJ at Boston’s Star 93.7 radio station. The next morning, while on-air, she not only mentioned her “awful” experience at the restaurant, she ranted that she had even given her “terrible waiter” a 25% tip. She neglected to mention that 25% of $13 is only $3.25, and that she and her friends sat at the table for nearly three hours.

It hurts the ears
A co-worker, Melissa, approached a new party, a husband and wife. She said hello and asked if the couple would like drinks. The husband said, “No, but I would like you to stop talking. You have the most annoying voice I’ve ever heard! Please do me a favor and whisper for the rest of the meal!”

Melissa gave the wife a look of shock to which the wife replied, ”Calm down honey. You need to find yourself a boyfriend to complain to.” Melissa walked away, completely dismayed.

I swear that I am not making this crap up. People really are this bad!

The Burnt Tongue
Debbie, a co-worker of mine, was taking a woman’s order. The woman ordered a boneless sirloin and said she wanted to make sure it was served hot. Deb told her that she always served her food hot. The woman replied, ‘’No. I want my food served hot or else.”

Deb took heed to this warning and served the sirloin the very second it was removed from the flame. After placing the sirloin in front of the demanding woman, Deb kept a close eye on the woman taking her first bite of the very hot sirloin. The sirloin was apparently so hot, Deb witnessed the woman spit out her first bite and take a huge gulp of water.

Deb approached the party to see if the sirloin was to the woman’s satisfaction. ”Is the sirloin hot?” Deb asked to which the woman, with eyes watering, nodded.

The Overcooked Filet Mignon
It was the start of a busy Saturday night and I waited on an obese man and his female companion. The couple ordered Filet Mignons cooked medium. Upon checking on their meal the obese man tells me that his filet is overcooked. I personally felt it was cooked perfectly but I still offered to replace it. He refused my offer and continued to consume the 16-ounce filet.

The time came for me to clear the plates and bring the check. At this time the obese man says to me, ‘’Please get a manager because I don’t want the overcooked filet to reflect on your tip.” I promptly get my manager and in typical ”the customer is always right” fashion, he removes the overcooked filet from the bill.

While both the manager and I were away from the table, another waitress overheard the obese man and his female companion laughing hysterically over the fact that they were able to have the filet taken off the bill. They ended their laugh fest with a high five. THIS is the kind of person that complains at a restaurant!

Steak Knives Up
I waited on a party of six people last night at work. One woman ordered the sirloin and shrimp. She sent it back to the kitchen saying the meat was too tough to cut. I promptly brought her another one and it was the same thing, too tough to cut. I tried once again, only this time I watched her try to cut into it.

It Turned out, the meat wasn’t too tough. She was trying to cut it with her steak knife upside down. Of course the meat would be difficult to cut when you are using the dull edge of the steak knife blade. Didn’t she notice the serrated edge pointed up? Why didn’t anyone else in her party notice? Why did I have to make two trips into the kitchen because of her stupidity? Why do I continue to waste my time working at a job I hate? The world may never know.

“I’m a little tight on cash”
One night I waited on a woman who kept me at her table for 10 minutes, asking me every question one could possibly ask a server. I can’t forget to mention she sent me back into the kitchen literally 20 times and she was my last customer. At the time of bill payment, she hands me a PLATINUM credit card, then as I hand her the copy to sign she says to me, “Angela, you have been a really great waitress and all, but I just can’t afford to tip you.” Mind you, her check came to $12.58.

Twisted
One night I approached a new party made up of three older men. While taking their drink order, one of the men asked me if we had Pepsi Twist. I replied that we did not have Pepsi Twist, but I would put a real lemon in his drink. He huffed and puffed and said, “No Thank You! I’ll just have water!” As if I made up the drink selection in our restaurant. *shrugs*

No Discount for You
One Saturday night I waited on this lovely old couple who told me they were visiting from New York. At the end of their meal, I placed the check on their table and the husband proceeded to put a $50 bill on top of it. I told them I would be right back with their change. The man said okay so I took it to the cash register, cashed it out and brought it back to the table. Right then he decided to tell me that he was staying at the nearby Days Inn and pulled out his room key. (We offer a 10% discount for Days Inn customers). I checked with the manager and was told that it could not be done at that point because the check had been closed. I told the couple exactly what was told to me and the man said, “That’s just fine! It’s coming out of your tip!” As if it was my fault! I replied, “If you want to punish me for something that is completely out of my control, that’s fine.” They didn’t leave me a tip.

The Man with all the Toys
OK, this one didn’t happen to me, but it did happen to my fellow co-worker Melissa. She was waiting on this man who was dining alone and had a cell phone and newspaper with him. He was on his cell phone, talking it up, for most of the meal. As Melissa cleared the plates he told her he would be right back and left his cell phone on the table.

Well, after about an hour and half, he still had not come back to the table. Melissa went over to the table and realized the cell phone that this man had been talking on was ACTUALLY a TOY CELLPHONE. He had been pretending to talk on it the whole time, just to set up his escape, all so he wouldn’t have to pay for his meal! Some people really have issues.