Last Saturday, my awesome sister and her awesome boyfriend invited me to use their awesome spare ticket to the awesome Red Sox game. Ain’t that awesome? (I just noticed “ain’t” doesn’t trigger my Firefox spell check).
During a Jacoby Ellsbury at-bat, my sister and I jokingly discussed running out onto the field and kissing him. “I know, from here, I could make it before being tackled by security,” she said. Kristina’s boyfriend wasn’t amused.
Then our conversation got serious. What type of punishment would a 27-year-old scientist face for running out on the field? Surely, she’d be arrested for disorderly conduct and most likely face a trespassing charge. We wondered how much her bail would be and the possibility of her being released on her own recognizance. She does have a squeaky-clean record.
Would she be sentenced to community service or probation? Could the Red Sox ban her from Fenway Park and if so, how would they enforce it if she isn’t a season ticket holder?
Maybe she could get sponsors who would donate $1 to the Jimmy Fund for every yard she managed to run before encountering security. Maybe Jacoby would be so overcome by the kiss, he’d refuse to let her be arrested. Maybe…
At that point, we ran out of beer and it had been 10 minutes since Jacoby struck out.