I did watch the Oscars last night (well half of it before I fell asleep) and as much as I’d like to offer up my thoughts on the winners and losers, I didn’t see any of the movies. At all. Except for “Coraline” which was only nominated for one Oscar, I think. Most of the movies sit atop my Netflix queue, where they’ve been for months, with the dreaded “very long wait” next to them. I’m beginning to wonder if Netflix even has these movies… is it some big Netflix conspiracy? Either way, I’ll save my Netflix rant for another day.

Even though I haven’t seen any of the movies, I’ll comment on the Oscars anyway, since that’s how I roll.

- I wish Neil Patrick Harris had been the host. I got excited when he walked out on stage to kick off the night. I loved him as Doogie, I loved him as Dr. Horrible, I loved him as host of the Tony awards, fuck, I just love him.

- During Steve Martin’s and Alec Baldwin’s opening monologue, I wondered one thing: Was George Clooney only pretending to sit there like a smug prick, or is he really one?

- Ben Stiller’s “spoof” was Epic Fail… for the second year in a row. Here’s an idea, why not walk out on stage and show some respect for an 80-something year old award? Or at the very least, be funny.

- I LOVED the John Hughes tribute. Mostly because I loved John Hughes. And Molly Ringwald. Jon Cryer… not so much.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m anti-movie theater. I hate driving all the way to the theater, looking for parking, standing in line to buy tickets, paying an arm and leg for popcorn that is a 1,000% mark-up of cost, trying to watch a movie with annoying teenagers talking behind me, trying to stumble through a filled aisle, down stairs, and into a filthy bathroom just to pee… no thank you. So instead, I make good use of my Netflix account. But, it also means I am horribly behind when it comes to movie IQ. For example, today, I watched the modern classic “Twilight” for the first time. So, due to the fact that I am tragically behind, please excuse me for a moment but…

What a steaming pile of horseshit! Teenage girls really like this garbage?! I think my 15-year-old self would have vomited ten minutes into it. And then she would have kicked my ass for watching the whole thing.

I can’t imagine even a 13-year-old not gagging at this line: “Your scent, it’s like a drug to me. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin. ” – Edward Cullen. *violent gagging*

Suckiness aside, I did like the score and the cinematography was nice. But it can’t overcome the putrid dialogue. And acting. And plot. And headache-inducing fight scenes. Did I mention dialogue?

I have never appreciated “True Blood” so much. Oh, Bill and Eric… save me from this insipid pile of puke.