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Tag: Red Sox (Page 2 of 3)

Idiots and Mangidiots


Oh, they only clinched a playoff spot? Really? Are you sure? Seems like a slightly excessive celebration for that, huh?
During MNF…

Pronunciation: \ˈjest\
Function: noun
1: an utterance (as a jeer or quip) intended to be taken as mockery or humor
2 a: prank b: a ludicrous circumstance or incident
3 a: a frivolous mood or manner b: gaiety and merriment
4: laughingstock

Was this intentional?

Tales from the bleachers: Chasing Jacoby

Last Saturday, my awesome sister and her awesome boyfriend invited me to use their awesome spare ticket to the awesome Red Sox game. Ain’t that awesome? (I just noticed “ain’t” doesn’t trigger my Firefox spell check).

During a Jacoby Ellsbury at-bat, my sister and I jokingly discussed running out onto the field and kissing him. “I know, from here, I could make it before being tackled by security,” she said. Kristina’s boyfriend wasn’t amused.

Then our conversation got serious. What type of punishment would a 27-year-old scientist face for running out on the field? Surely, she’d be arrested for disorderly conduct and most likely face a trespassing charge. We wondered how much her bail would be and the possibility of her being released on her own recognizance. She does have a squeaky-clean record.

Would she be sentenced to community service or probation? Could the Red Sox ban her from Fenway Park and if so, how would they enforce it if she isn’t a season ticket holder?

Maybe she could get sponsors who would donate $1 to the Jimmy Fund for every yard she managed to run before encountering security. Maybe Jacoby would be so overcome by the kiss, he’d refuse to let her be arrested. Maybe…

At that point, we ran out of beer and it had been 10 minutes since Jacoby struck out.

Manny Ramirez is gone

No more Manny being Manny

Just because I’ve been so caught up in the return of the Patriots lately doesn’t mean I haven’t been paying attention to the Manny Ramirez drama over at Yawkey Way. And this whole thing doesn’t sit well with me. My stomach hurts thinking of Manny on a new team. I’m disappointed, to say the least and just like the Spygate hyperbole last fall, I think the media blew this story up to its max, and in a small way, I’m impressed with how easily “die-hard” fans were swayed.

Listening to the last hour of Dennis & Callahan¹ in the past week, one would think Manny was being brought up on rape charges, or something equally disgusting. Gerry Callahan was screaming, literally screaming, about Manny’s decision to skip a team visit to Walter Reed Medical Center. With all due respect, shouldn’t this have been screamed about in February, you know, when it first occurred? Now that Manny is unhappy we bring it up? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that was cool, but there’s far worse things for a player to do nowadays. I haven’t heard so much as a peep about Nick Kazcur, you know, the Patriots OL who was caught with a boatload of drugs and turned informant to weasel his own ass out of trouble. But then again, Manny climbing into the wall in left field is SO MUCH WORSE! To D&C’s credit, I do think they made a passing statement about Patriot Willie Andrews assaulting his fiance and shoving a gun in her face. But then again, Manny holding up a sign about Brett Favre is SO MUCH WORSE! That sign was like a proverbial gun shoved in all our faces, right?

After listening to WEEI in the last week I have learned a few things. Did you know Manny is responsible for the Red Sox getting swept by the currently best team in baseball? I could also make a case for Manny’s culpability in the Patriots losing the Super Bowl, the Celtics struggles to win on the road in the playoffs and the Bruins continued suckiness for the last ten years. I also think Manny is responsible for my miserable job and meaningless life. Dramatic? That’s how some Red Sox fans have sounded in the last two weeks.

And don’t for one minute think our rivals in the Bronx haven’t noticed. Kat O’Brien of New York’s Newsday suggests: The Red Sox, who just got swept by the Angels, got worse by giving up Manny Ramirez.

Manny did his own thing, whether we liked it or not, whether it benefited the team or not, but he was a great player. He did more than contribute, bringing the Red Sox to TWO World Series. Sure, his shenanigans grew tiresome but how the “Nation” turned on him makes my stomach sick. Hell, if it was me, I’d be standing in left field waving two middle fingers in the air.

Call me an “apologist,” a term I think is bullshit, but I’m going to miss Manny and I don’t think this bodes well for the Sox. Maybe I feel kindred with Manny because I, too, am disgruntled with my job. Hey, maybe I’m even *gasp* wrong, just like when Bill Belichick cut Lawyer Milloy and I thought it was the end of the world. But then again, the Patriots had just acquired Rodney Harrison who stepped in to fill Milloy’s shoes. I can’t really comment on Jason Bay because I’ve never even heard of him!

My dad swears he will never watch the Red Sox again. I’m not so sure though because he said the same thing after Johnny Damon left, and after Bronson Arroyo was traded, and although I was too young to remember, I’m sure he said the same thing when Roger Clemens left.

¹ For the record, I will only listen to Dennis & Callahan on Monday’s during football season when Tom Brady calls in, and in the few minutes prior to the best show on WEEI, Dale and Holley. Otherwise, those two piss me off to no end.

It feels like an eternity

It’s been a few months now since that fateful evening in February when my…. *gasp* …Patriots lost… *gulp* …the… *ugh* …Super… *vomit* …Bowl. BUT… in fewer than two weeks, my dad, sister, and I will be driving down to good ol’ Foxborough for the start of Patriots Training Camp! The season is so close, I can almost taste it! (And I do realize that wishing for football season is also wishing away the summer, but I do not care. Screw summer).

And, although that horrible Sunday night feels like just yesterday, so much has happened since:
* I learned to knit.
* The Boston Celtics won a World Championship.
* David Ortiz went on the D.L. ¹.
* Sister moved out.
* My office moved.
* I got a raise.
* Cigarettes went up a $1.50 (which could play a huge role in the season when it comes time for me to smoke my “defensive cigarettes ²”).
* Boyfriend got a new job.
* The New Kids on the Block reunited.

…I mean, this is like a whole different planet since Super Bowl 42! It’s like an alternate universe where I do something girly like knit while grooving to NKOTB.

I haven’t really thought about the Patriots too much in the last few months, partly because it was too painful, and because I knew it was like FOREVER until the season began again. But when WEEI announced yesterday that, in addition to Patriots Monday, they will now also be doing Patriots Friday, I could no longer keep my mind off my beloved Pats.

Now, if I can just wait patiently for two more weeks…

¹ “Disabled list,” not to be confused with “Down Low.”
² A “defensive cigarette” is a cigarette that I MUST smoke while the Patriots defense is on the field. This cigarette is crucial to the overall performance of the Patriots D. Think I’m full of it? Since I’ve been smoking my defensive cigarette, the Patriots have attended five Super Bowls, winning three of them.

It never gets old

The boyfriend is off to the Celtics victory parade and while I have some peace and quiet, I thought I’d reflect upon the incredible Celtics’ World Championship.

Deja vu

17 Things that are totally AWESOME about the Celtics’ 17th World Championship

1. It was well worth the wait. The last time the Celtics won a championship, I was 7. Me. 7. For the record, I’ll be 29 later this month.

2. They were able to defeat the Lakers. When it’s been this long, how awesome is it that the team was able to beat the team that defeated them the last time they were up?

3. The Curse of Len Bias is over. I don’t believe much of that supernatural stuff, but I’ll be damned if I don’t believe in sports curses! So, you can imagine how I felt yesterday when it was mentioned that the Celtics drafted Len Bias 22 years to the day as the Celtics won banner 17, on June 17.

4. 131 to 92. I thought the Celtics were going to win, but like this? Hell no. At least when my Patriots lost in February, it was close, and they didn’t give up (well, except for Ass-ante Samuel).

5. And speaking of the Patriots, in a small way, this championship eases the ongoing pain of the Patriots loss in… Super Bowl 42. This is evidenced by the fact that I can actually type the words, “Super Bowl 42”. My dad now thinks that the Sports Gods couldn’t give up Super Bowl 42 because they were holding out for the Celtics #17.

6. While Boston celebrates ANOTHER championship, the sports-loving nation is groaning. I have always fought hard to not be a typical, Masshole, Boston-loving fan… but, no matter how gracious I try to remain, I’m forever associated with my obnoxious brethren. So, hell, why not embrace it?

7. K.G.’s exchange with Bill Russell after the game. In the initial moments after victory, Kevin Garnett was the epitome of drunk on happiness. In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was drunk on alcohol. But for a few moments, he was clear, respectful and reverential as he talked to Celtics legend Bill Russell.

8. That ABC was dumb enough to interview K.G. moments after victory on live TV. #@!*$(% $(%*^@!#*$*%&$@!@##!

9. Finally, after three weeks, I can get some sleep. No more 9 p.m. start times.

10. That it happened in Boston. Think of how much less exciting it would have been if the Celtics won in Game 5 at the Staples Center.

11. For a few days, I get to relive my childhood. I know a lot of people (around the country anyway) are sick and tired of the 60s, 70s, and 80s references, but hell, like I mentioned in #1, I’m old and instead of being mindful of my impending mortality, it’s fun to have something that reminds me of my childhood crammed in my face every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday.

12. I like the color green. It’s easing on the eyes. I also look good in green, which is always a plus.

13. Boston Police get yet another opportunity to hone their riot-squelching skills. I still will never understand how a sports victory gives one the urge to smash something, ESPECIALLY directly in front of, not only police, but high-tech (and very clear) television cameras. Which brings me to…

14. Watching douche bags get arrested never gets old. I present “Exhibit A”…
According to the Herald, he is Christopher O’Neill. Mommy must be so proud!

15. Now that it’s over, I don’t have to look at Pau Gasol anymore. What an ugly jamoke.

16. Paul Pierce finally gets to establish his own legacy. After enduring what he has here, including almost being stabbed to death, seeing Pierce not only win a championship but accept an MVP trophy here is thrilling.

17. Winning championships, no matter what the sport, NEVER GETS OLD!

Did Dale Arnold just say, “The Patriots victory parade…” ? Wishful thinking?

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