Tag: Wat up Arizona Cardinals

The one in which I insult half of America

There’s only a few more hours of the Patriots reign as AFC Champions, a title I don’t think anyone gave a shit about last year. I don’t even think anyone gave much a shit about Super Bowl Champions either, it was all about 19-0, at least in my house anyway.

But since my one and only Patriots are out of the contest, there is only one thing I must do. And it’s all about the Arizona Cardinals. The Arizona fucking Cardinals. Yes, the Arizona Cardinals in the NFC Championship. For the first time. Ever. In like 90 years of existence. Even the Patriots (prior to their current excellence) had made it that far. If that alone isn’t a reason to root for the Cardinals, then I might as well just give up watching football all together.

I’ve even decided that since the home of the Arizona Cardinals, University of Phoenix Stadium, is the site of an event that has caused me so much pain and agony, I want at least SOMETHING good to come out of there. Plus, every time I see Ass-ante Samuel NOT DROP an interception, I die a little bit more inside.

And if Super Bowl 39 has taught me anything it’s that Eagles fans are brutal. Straight-up brutal. A lot has been said about Patriots fans but we can’t hold a candle to those from the city of “Brotherly Love.” Bru-tal. I had one fan send me DEATH THREATS because this here website was dedicated to Patriots love. (This statement alone will probably get me a death threat or two from some die-hard Eagles fans.)

Steelers fans are no prize either. Did I ever write about the mean Steelers fan who told me the Patriots sucked back in September of 2001, even after I said I liked the Steelers just to be nice? So much for good fansmanship (I just made up that word). If I could say one nice thing about Steelers fans though it would be that they are at least knowledgeable about football. That’s one thing I can’t say about the majority of Patriots Nation. Most of Patriots Nation are just off-season Red Sox Nation citizens who only watch football because they have nothing better to do once baseball season is over.

Could you even imagine an all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl? It’s be like Civil War Part II. Each faction could meet up in Gettysburg and the Black and Gold bloc can try and strangle their eastern opponents with Terrible Towels while the Eagles fans cram Philly Cheesesteaks in their faces and launch cannonballs shaped like Andy Reid at them.

Angela’s Sunday To-Do Checklist: Insult Eagles Fans (check!); Insult Steelers Fans (check!); Insult Red Sox Fans (check!); Do Laundry (not yet done)

So today I’m going to Praise Jesus, draw pictures of God and jump on Kurt Warner’s bandwagon! Just like when all you fuckheads were cheering and screaming for the Patriots back in 2001, and don’t lie, everyone likes the underdog, I’m going to be rooting for the Arizona Cardinals today. And the Baltimore Ravens because a pissed off Ray Lewis haunts my nightmares. I don’t want sweet, innocent Joe Flacco murdered in the locker room. Tick off Bible Thumpers (check!); Tick off Ravens fans (check!) 😉